| As
usual I've been prompted by a couple of recent experiences to
write what I'm about to write about simply because personally
I feel we can't be reminded enough about it. So, I thought that
for this Calm Snippet we'd revisit something that I talk about
in one section of the 'Calm' stress-management sessions - Optimism
and Pessimism.
We tend to think of extremes when presented with
these two concepts, i.e. that optimists are all about everything
being wonderful and great, care-free without worry and somewhat
naive about reality, and that pessimists are consumed with projections
of impending disaster, feelings of failure and worthlessness,
and a generally doom-and-gloom-focused outlook. However, optimism
and pessimism in their every-day form are more subtle but nonetheless
powerful in their effects.
These effects, from what I've discovered in various
scientific papers and articles, touch nearly all of our lives.
Optimists are less affected by stress or depression, more successful
in their careers and relationships, live longer, healthier and
more fulfilling lives, recover from illness and other setbacks
more rapidly, are luckier, and report being happier and more content
generally. Pessimists on the other hand are more prone to long-term
stress and depression, less successful in careers and relationships,
die younger, take longer to recover from illness or other setbacks,
feel more unlucky and are more dissatisfied and less content and
happy with their lives.
The real kick in the research though is that, on
average, optimists and pessimists are found in all strata of society
- in reality the contexts in which they live their lives aren't
that different. What makes the difference in both the emotional
and physical senses is the individual's view of their lives -
it's in their attitude and approach.
Helpfully, it turns out that there's a structure
to optimism and pessimism, that is there's a 'recipe' for each
of them and, not surprisingly, the ingredients for both come from
the same psychological concepts. (And, like many models, it's
three P's again!)
First of all there's the idea of PERMANENCE,
i.e. whether we view events as permanent or temporary
in time. Pessimists in general feel success to be temporary and
failure as a more permanent and continuous feature of life, whereas
optimists tend to view failure as temporary and success as a more
permanent aspect of their lives.
Next comes PERVASIVENESS, i.e. whether we
view an event or outcome as a universal characteristic
of most or all things in our lives, or just specific to
that one particular context. As you might already have guessed,
pessimists tend to specify success and universalise failure, i.e.
believe that 'failure is normal, success is the exception', whilst
optimists take failure as specific and success and universal,
and espouse that 'success is normal, failure is the exception'.
Finally there's PERSONALISATION, i.e. whether
we see things as being caused by us and our choices, or by external
circumstances or other people. However, this is a little more
tricky when it comes to pessimism and optimism in that while optimists
do personalise success, i.e. see themselves and their choices
as the cause, they also personalise failure to a degree in that
they accept responsibility for their part, knowing that they can
learn from their mistakes and do something about it. Pessimists
tend not to personalise success, i.e. they see it as being caused
by someone or something else. Pessimists also personalise failure
but with a different mode of thinking to optimists; they tend
to accept their role in the failure, but not their responsibility
for it - they are much more likely to have a 'victim' mentality.*
 |
| Here's just a few example
situations and some typical responses that optimists and
pessimists tend to have:
|
You ask someone out on a date and
they turn you down. |
|
OPTIMIST |
PESSIMIST |
|
"I'll ask again
when they're not as busy."
"I guess they're not the one for
me then."
"Better luck next time!" |
"They're always too busy, so I won't ask again."
"Will I ever find someone who'll
go out with me?"
"Yet another knock-back!" |
| You
are interviewed for a promotion at work and get it. |
| OPTIMIST |
PESSIMIST |
| "I'm
doing well!"
"A chance to prove what I can do."
"I am competent in interviews." |
"Finally,
they've noticed me and my work."
"More pressure and responsibility."
"I did well in that interview." |
| Your
partner takes you away for a romantic weekend together. |
| OPTIMIST |
PESSIMIST |
| "It's
great to have this time together."
"We have a great relationship."
"I'm glad we're doing this." |
"It's
great to get away from everything else for a while."
"This shows our relationship is
great."
"I wonder why they chose to do
this?"
|
| You
cook dinner for some friends but in all the conversation
no-one comments on your cooking. |
| OPTIMIST |
PESSIMIST |
| "We're
great friends - the conversation is what matters."
"They ate it - that means that
it must've been at least OK."
"I enjoy cooking for people." |
"Good
friends would comment on my cooking."
"I wonder if it was OK - maybe
they ate it just to be nice..?"
"I'll have to make more of an effort
next time."
|
|
 |
As you were reading through those perhaps you noticed
how subtle the differences between optimism and pessimism can
be at times - no huge extremes at all really. But it's this subtlety
that can make all the difference when applied consistently, a
bit like putting your pocket change into a jar at the end of every
day and then, come the end of the year, finding you have £50
in there.
Now think honestly, really honestly, about some
of the successes and failures you've had personally and, using
the principles of Permanence, Pervasiveness and Personalisation
as a guide, work out where you sit on the pessimism-optimism scale.
And next time we'll talk about how you transform
a tendency towards pessimism into a more optimistic approach to
life. Isn't that great! (or were you thinking, "I have to
wait another month!?")
Soon,

If you'd like to know more about optimism &
pessimism, or about iceandlemon and our approach then take a good
look around our website at www.iceandlemon.com
then call
us on 0845 111 0360 or email
us at info@iceandlemon.com now.
*
If you're familiar with NLP, you'll already be making the link
between these three and the overall broader concept of CAUSE vs.
EFFECT. This, in essence, says that everyone of us has a choice
to exist at the CAUSE of our lives and the events we're involved
in, or at the EFFECT of those events and life in general. At EFFECT
we push responsibility away from us to other people or to circumstance
to explain why our lives are the way they are now, and in so doing
we rob ourselves of power. At CAUSE we accept responsibility for
own actions and choices and for their consequences - at CAUSE
we have the power.
There's
also a valid point about optimists holding a broader definition
of 'success' than pessimists. This means that when it comes to
the middle-ground between an out-and-out success and a definite
failure, optimists tend to focus on what went well, and label
an event as a 'moderate success' whilst pessimists are more likely
to focus on what didn't go as planned and label it as a 'moderate
failure'.
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