No. 11

Welcome Reader

More Than Nothing

These are our 'Calm snippets' from iceandlemon ltd. (www.iceandlemon.com) Please pass them on to your colleagues, friends, family and anyone else you feel might benefit. If you use any of the material in this publication, please point to iceandlemon as your source, and include our contact email - info@iceandlemon.com. And remember, there's currently no charge for this - only an investment of the few minutes of your time it takes to read it!

If you're viewing a text version of this newsletter, you can view a full-colour HTML version online at http://www.iceandlemon.com/newsletters/CalmSnippet11.htm
THIS SNIPPET IN SHORT:

There is a way to make sure your life experiences are as 'up' as they can be - if you choose to use it, that is!

"Pessimism leads to weakness, optimism to power."

[William James, pioneering 19th-century psychologist & philosopher]

[996 Words, estimated reading time 5-8 mins]

We talked last time about Optimism and Pessimism and their effects on our mental and emotional lives. I promised that this time I'd write about how we could move from a pessimistic outlook to a more optimistic frame of mind.

But before I do that I'd like to share something that came out of some recent coaching work I did – a bit of emotional maths couched as a belief that can essentially summed up as the law of the 'zero-sum life.'

This law says that life consists of 'up's and 'down's, emotional highs and lows. No surprise there, but the sting in the tail of the 'zero-sum' philosophy is that all of life's ups and downs cancel each other out, i.e. any high is followed by a corresponding low, like we're on an emotional roller-coaster that always ends up back where it started. (There is an even worse one - the 'negative-sum' life..!)

"Not too bad an idea," you might say, "almost common-sense." until you realise how this kind of belief sentences you to an 'average' life, a life that quite literally adds up to nothing.

I want a more than an average life for myself and those around me, don't you?

Here's an analogy: Imagine you want to climb a particular mountain. You begin the climb but, as is the nature of mountainous terrain, you crest a small rise before too long. Since you believe that each rise must be followed by a trough, you find a dip that takes you down again. Then you restart your ascent and come to another local peak on the way up. So you follow a correspondingly compensatory dip again, and the process repeats whilst all the time you're wondering why you aren't getting any closer to your goal, to the top of the mountain.

I have actually heard people leak their 'zero sum' belief with statements like, "I had a great week last week so I guess I'm due a problem or two" or "Well, it's not the first time that's happened and it won't be the last" – it's more pervasive than you think!

Optimists subscribe to the idea of a 'POSITIVE-SUM' life, i.e. that in each experience you have, you do what you can to maximise the positive emotion you experience, by focusing your energy and attention on the things that really matter, where reasonable, ethical and ecological (I use the term 'ecological' here to refer to something that's in balance with you, your goals and purpose and the positive needs of those around you too) and by learning what you need to do and then doing it to minimise the duration of any negative experiences. Thus life can add up to something more than 'Oh…'

Just to clear up any confusion I might've caused, I'm not in any way suggesting that life should not have any downs at all or that we should avoid them – negative emotions are our less-conscious way of drawing our attention to something that needs our time and energy to change.

To get back to mountain-climbing, it's the same as reaching a small local peak on the way up, appreciating the new view, looking for the most efficient descent that will get you set up for ascending again and following it. You minimise the amount of time and energy spent 'down' and seek ways to keep things on the 'up' as much as possible.

Not that it'll be the easiest thing in the world to do, but at least this way you stand a really good, if not definite change, of getting to the top instead of going round and round in circles at the bottom.

Now, the promised way of moving from 'zero-sum' to 'positive-sum' living; it's taken from Martin Seligman and is as simple as A B C D E…

 

  • A is for Adversity – what's the problem? What have you responded to by feeling down, depressed, negative about?

For example, you went to a job interview and didn't get the job.

  • B is for Belief – why is that a problem?

For example, you might believe that you need that job because you're short of money, or it's the only one that will get you on the career ladder you want.

  • C is for Consequences – what happened as a result of that event and your belief? Especially, what where the emotional consequences?

For example, you might've begun to feel angry at the interviewers for asking awkward questions or at yourself for being too nervous and perhaps you're beginning to despair about ever getting a job.

  • D is for Disputation – if you step back and look at the bigger picture, how does all this fit into the larger scheme of your life, honestly?

For example, you can begin to realise that this was only one interview and, even if you've had some already, you've still not been interviewed by everyone! You can also use each interview as an opportunity to learn – what could you improve? Perhaps use some relaxation techniques to calm your nerves before the next one?

  • E is for Energise! – what can you now do to move on and up?

For example, you might get some career counselling or take advice from someone knowledgeable about interviewing techniques, or perhaps you might want to consider what kind of career you really want and pursue the things you need to do for that instead?

I like cycling, on and off-road, and there's two ways people approach downhill sections. The less experienced (or lazy) ones take a rest and coast all the way down, only pedalling when they run out of momentum part-way up the next climb. The experienced, and usually more fulfilled, riders use it to build up some serious momentum for the next climb, and keep it going by pedalling on the way down too.

So, what are you going to do next time to keep your momentum up, your attention focused and your life adding up to something definitely positive..?

Soon,

 

If you'd like to know more about optimism & pessimism, or about iceandlemon and our approach then take a good look around our website at www.iceandlemon.com then call us on 0845 111 0360 or email us at info@iceandlemon.com now.
You're receiving this because you've either been or are a client of ours or you've subscribed on our website at some point. If you wish to stop receiving this, then click here and follow the instructions.

© iceandlemon ltd. 2005

~ relax ~ release ~ revive ~ refresh ~ renew ~

You can contact Steve Wooding, iceandlemon's Director at:
email: steve@iceandlemon.com
phone: 07730 651 648 / 0151 289 6118 (during normal working hours, 9am - 5pm)
skype: steve-iceandlemon
paper: iceandlemon ltd. "The Orchard", 4 Blue Bell Lane, Huyton, Merseyside, L36 7XY