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Welcome Reader |
We hold ourselves back from many of the
things we really want because we’re focused so much on failure, rejection or
fear that we forget to ask the important questions, like “What if I succeeded?” When we ask the
right questions, and move our attention wholly where it needs to be, success must
follow.
[1154 words, estimated reading time
6-9 mins] It’s been a very varied month for me in
terms of work and home life, with periods of rushing round between client
appointments and domestic duties without space to stop and think,
interspersed with times of quiet and solitude. In those spaces I’ve had a
chance to review some of the questions I ask my individual clients, those who
come with particular issues they want to address. I know, as many of you already do too,
that questions are a very powerful tool when exploring why you live the way
to do, for example, why you act certain ways in some circumstances but not in
others, why you might be successful in some areas of life but not feeling as
if you’re not getting anywhere in others. The questions I use are designed to offer
my clients a new perspective on their particular issue, or sometimes remind
them of long-forgotten aspects of their life that often provide resources to aid
in their current situation. However, from time to time I seek new
questions, especially when (as happened recently) I have a client that makes
me stop and think a little more deeply. And last week in my searching I found one,
a fantastic one, which I’m now using when appropriate. It might not be the most powerful question in the world
but it has a dramatic effect on the focus of the people I ask it to. Before I share it with you, let’s talk
about how problems arise in the first place. We’ve already talked about how
negative emotions like anxiety are made (August
2007’s “Slice of Lemon”) through using a selective focus of attention. However, larger life issues arise and then
are maintained with a similar narrowing of attention too. For example, low
self-esteem and self-worth, which can become seriously debilitating frames of
mind, require that we focus only on those times we’ve failed, the people we
let down, the negative comments people have said to us, or the most negative
interpretation of conversations and events. Panic attacks can only be brought on by
focusing on a narrow range of stimuli (or a single stimulus) from the environment
until fear sets in, then focusing only on the sensations that fear has
created until it becomes a full-blown panic attack. Similarly, negative situations like
workplace bullying or domestic abuse can only be allowed to continue by
focusing on the worst that could happen if you told someone and making that,
along with the few pleasantries that your situation does hold, more important
than ending the abuse or moving on to something many times better for you. Positive things in life can also be kept
at bay, distant from us, by using the same tactics, focusing on the worst
that could possibly happen when, if, we try – failure, rejection,
humiliation, derision… So, here’s what you’ve been waiting for
and, if you’ve been really paying
attention to the last few paragraphs, you’ll already have an inkling of the
powerful question: What are you ignoring to keep things this way? Roll that question around in your head,
repeat it to yourself, mull it over for a moment or two until it really sinks
in. Then, and only then, should you begin to point it at those situations in
your own life that aren’t quite as you’d like them to be – those unresolved
issues, un-kicked habits, thoughts and feelings you’d rather were different… One of the key foundations of the work I,
and others like me, do is that EVERYONE
is born with ALL the skills and
resources necessary for a successful, contented and happy life, including the
power of choice, and that includes what we do with our attention. This means that
in order to keep a problem or issue going, we have to ignore all the stuff we
already have access to within ourselves, and all the other resources that we
could take hold of around us too, that could solve the problem or address the
issue at hand. When we shift
our attention to those great things instead, pull them close and really grab
them with both hands and make them our focus, we can’t help but begin to feel
the decreasing effect of what we used to be occupied with, and even begin
wondering what all that fuss was about in the first place, especially given
what we now have to work with. So, for this
festive season and on into 2008 and beyond, whenever you’re feeling a little
lost, down, dejected, despondent or just want cheering up, ask yourself: What am I ignoring so I can feel like this? I wish you all
the true joy of Christmas and a prosperous and powerful new year! |
"iceandlemon
- helping you make the most of YOU!" These
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© Steve Wooding
/ iceandlemon ltd. 2007 |
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iceandlemon ltd. is a registered limited company no. 4971644 :: registered office: 4 Blue Bell Lane, Huyton, Merseyside, L36 7XY |
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