Do It Yourself…!

IN SHORT: If at first you don’t succeed, and the second and third attempts fare no better either, GET HELP! Help either in learning how to do it well, or help in actually doing it, or both. Either way, seeking assistance is a sign of bravery, commitment and strength.

(1100 words – approx. 6-10 minutes to read)

It’s a strange phrase when you think about it – “Do it yourself” – an expression of empowerment and self-sufficiency that, with a twist in vocal tone, could easily become a terse and dismissive retort…

My parents grew up in the years immediately following World War II. Thanks to the unfortunate fact that a large proportion of those who went off to serve their country returned severely injured, or didn’t return at all, we were left lacking in highly trained and experienced craftsmen and tradesmen. Coupled with the ‘make do and mend’ mentality that had been propagated successfully during the war and the economic upturn that blossomed in the following decade, the ideal conditions were created for the DIY home improvement boom. TV programs such as the iconic Barry Bucknell’s “Do It Yourself” and “House” attracted ratings that even today’s programming executives would be overjoyed with.

My paternal grandfather seemed to have expressed the epitome of this mindset in all its glory and humour; his achievements included an impressively constructed, though fairly compact, conservatory built entirely from recycled palettes and crates, all carefully shaped, fitted and finished and glazed.

He succeeded in many of his DIY endeavours, as did my Dad. Occasionally, however, my grandfather’s DIY willingness exceeded his actual capabilities – the Concrete Barbell project stands as one example..!

The self-sufficient DIY mindset has, over the last 60 years or so, leaked and leeched its way into many aspects of life, some where it’s encouraged people to attempt and succeed at things they might never have tried, and others where perhaps it’s actually not useful and even potentially dangerous.

How many of us have seen the ‘DIY Disaster’ genre of TV programmes where some poor, though perhaps well-meaning, soul with a level of skill unfortunately way behind their level of enthusiasm has created a wreck as a result of even their best efforts. Their only salvation has come in the form of a professional with enough decorum not to laugh uncontrollably when surveying the unfortunate’s handiwork, and with the skill and experience to be able to first undo the damage and then do the job in the way it should’ve been done in the first place.

One key DIY area that has blossomed since the late 1960’s has nothing to do with houses though – it’s the field of ‘Self-Help’ books and magazines that promise to help you sort out your issues, get to know your true self, lose weight, find the person of your dreams, and have all the success you want. (Some of you will already have spotted the irony of me writing about such an area in an article like this…)

DIY is all well and good for simpler things that require, in general, only a basic understanding of the theories involved and instead rely more on a sound grasp of processes and techniques, i.e. DIY is usually more about knowing WHAT to do and less about knowing WHY that’s what you do. Perhaps it’s akin to the fact that most of us can follow a recipe and come up with something more or less like the glossy photo in the book, but how many of us understand how to combine ingredients and flavours to create a new recipe in the first place? It’s that extra skill and experience that marks the true chef from the amateur cook.

So you can see that anything more than simple DIY definitely requires that crucial in-depth understanding, and the flexibility and skill that can only come with experience. Malcolm Gladwell (New York Times writer and successful author of ‘Blink’ and ‘Tipping Point’ amongst other things) uncovered a rule of thumb that to become a true world-class expert in something requires around 10,000 hours of learning and practical application! Assuming you’d like a break on a regular basis, and some sleep, that works out at 7 hours a day, 5 days a week, 50 weeks a year for nearly 6 years!

For example, while most of us might clean and dress a cut and even chance a hand at steri-strips for something a little deeper, unless you’re already a medical professional, I reckon none of you reading this would try to re-set a compound fracture, reconnect a severed tendon, drill and fill our own molar, or remove an appendix? It’s no coincidence that it takes a minimum of 7 years to train a doctor…

It is, unfortunately, very similar with personal issues and challenges. There are definitely smaller problems that we are able to deal with properly and permanently.

I use the words ‘properly and permanently’ very deliberately here as I’ve come across far too many people who claim to have sorted their problems themselves but are either just glossing over the issues or have, in the process of trying to solve one problem, created other issues.

However, there are some issues that we can’t think our way out of or work through simply because our current patterns of thinking and feeling are what created the problem – these are the ones that require the help of a professional.

When I started out in the business of personal development and change, I came across a huge number of individuals with an almost exclusive DIY culture, and some even use their issues either as an excuse (“Well, what do you expect from someone with …?”), a badge of honour or way of getting attention (“Aren’t I great for having this problem and living with it..!”) or as a self-defining feature (“Well, that’s just the way I am and I can’t change it.”)

Fortunately there are a growing number who realise that there comes a time when you need the help of someone more experienced and skilled than you, or sometimes just an informed perspective on your particular problem.

And there’s the rub – many of us educated in the traditional English way have been taught to prize individual effort and achievement, and had it drummed into us that getting help on a task is nothing less than cheating!

Plenty more people see asking for help as some admission of failure or weakness.

The truth of the matter is that recognising our own current limits and asking for help and advice is a real point of strength, self-awareness and bravery, the complete opposite of failure and weakness. In fact NOT asking for help creates and maintains failure and weakness when you can’t move yourself forward!

It doesn’t really matter what area of life you may find yourself stuck in – goal-setting and accomplishment, weight loss, quiting some habit or other, learning something new, exercising, or even actual DIY – my advice this time around is simply this – GET HELP!

Until next time!